Do Your Kids Think You Are Fair?

Be of Consistent Character

We all wear different hats at different phases of our lives.  Even exchanging one role for another in a matter of minutes.  

Say you are dealing with an incident where your child is in need of you, either discipline, mentoring, ministering, any of the parenting roles we juggles, and the  important call comes in from work that you've been waiting for all day and you must take.

Clearly, our means of interacting need to adapt between our child and our employer.

In our modern, fast-paced lives these types of transitions are at times unavoidable.  

The critical element remains that no matter which "hat" you are wearing, the head beneath remains the same.

That is, no matter what role you are called to fulfill, keep your self-identification and priorities consistent.  Never compromise on integrity, even to achieve a more expedient result.  This will help you de-stress difficult situations and rapid transitions in roles you are called to fill by knowing and adhering to the aspects of your character that are the most important to you.

You will find more comfort in dealing with confronted changes, more confidence in defending your actions and positions, and you will warrant more respect from those around you for your clear focus on your integrity.

==================================

Example:

Avoid "Do as I say, not as I do." mentality.  

Our actions speak louder than our words.

Now, I send my young children to bed earlier than I myself turn in.  However, in doing so, I explain the needs of their bodies for rest vs. that of an adult. I demonstrate that I prioritize and appropriate amount of rest for my needs.

So, despite what appears to be a "double standard", I stress the underlying priority, and the reasoning becomes clearer.  

I wish I could say that this translates into seamless bedtimes every night...but it is a process.  Regardless, my position and justification remain consistent.

===================================

By modeling integrity and consistent character, we demonstrate confidence and conviction in our beliefs.

For me, one of the character traits I seek to consistently model is also an adaptability.  I am willing to continuously pull from outside sources for means of personal betterment.  This is change, but it is consistent change and an easily discernible aspect of my character.

So, I do not maintain that this should be a static, un-moving paradigm, rather an insight into your character that those around you can come to rely on and even look up to.

====================================

Getting Started:

To get started on this journey (for it will be a life long pursuit), it is crucial to first know yourself.  

Make a list of the 3-5 character traits that are most important to you.  

Set it aside and plan on revisiting it in a day or two.

Continue this process until your list remains unchanged.

  

Then, share it with someone close to you that you can rely on to help keep you in check.

It is important that this person also has occasion to observe you in various settings.

Finally, devise a means of keeping tabs on your priorities and self evaluating your consistency.

======================================

We all have buttons, key stressors that cause us to fall back on less developed means of managing interactions.  As you solidify your focus on maintaining consistent character, you will be more readily able to identify these buttons.  

Identification will lead to enabling corrections, but it is critical to recall that you will never reach a perfect result, and your efforts will fall short from time to time.

Keep your head up as you change hats, remember your goal, and allow yourself the luxury of forgiveness when you slip.

As a parent, I fall back to this quote when I feel myself lapse in this regard:

H. Jackson Brown Jr. — 'Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.' 

Find something that motivates you and keep at it!