Choose your Words Carefully

It's the Way You Say It

When we communicate, only about 10% of our message is actually brought accurately to the recipient through our words.  Some of it is “lost in translation” on the receiving end, but the real factor in bringing our point across is our non-verbal's, the things we do and how we say the words we choose. 

Think of the difference in how your child may apologize when you require it of them versus when they mean it.  The words are the same, but it's night and day in meaning and significance!

In the same way, your child will pick up in the ways in which you speak and how you say things about their training and martial arts in general.  There are, however, some pitfalls in word choice and phrasing that I hope to expose and even to provide some pellucid and practiced plans for safe and effective replacement. 

The Power of Words

The words we use have power and influence the mental image our children create for themselves.  Paint a positive and exciting picture for your child, and they will become more likely to desire to be a source of inspiration to your own learning by their training and growth in martial arts.

Power list of suggested word and phrase changes:

1.  Use the “Yet”

Adding this word to the end of your statements shows that you are keeping an open attitude towards learning...

I don’t know, yet. 

We can't do that, yet. 

You just have learned to catch your balance, yet

I realize you just haven't memorized this all, yet

2. And the “Get”

Replacing the words "have to" and "need to" with get shows things as opportunity vs an obligation...

Obligation:  You have to go to karate tonight

Opportunity:  You get to spend an hour in karate tonight

Obligation:  You will need to stay 30 longer at open gym today since I have to go to the store.

Opportunity:  You get to have an extra 30 minutes of practice time in open gym today while I am at the store.

Obligation:  You have to practice your terminology on the way to your test.

Opportunity:  You get to practice your terminology with me in the care on the way to your test tonight.

3. Place your "Bet!"

Always bet on your child’s success!  Keep a positive attitude and tone regarding their training and practice habits. 

“My kid is going to nail their next test, board break, tournament, training session. “  

Making changes to our speech patterns can be a real challenge.  It's okay to slip up periodically as you make adjustments.  Simply pause, acknowledge your misused phrasing, and rephrase things in a positive light.  

This will accomplish not only a retraining of your thought-life, but also demonstrates to your listening child that your heart and mind are in full support of them and their activities.  Acknowledging the slip can actually make the subsequent correction an even stronger reinforcement than if you get it right the first time